Watching Your Own Back

I was reading a post from a blogger about yet another man in ministry falling to sexual sin. (sigh) And the blogger was listing “don’t’s” for men in ministry to protect themselves from falling to such sin.

Well ladies, this post is for you. A long time ago I made a mental list of things I would and would not do to keep my own name pure, to keep myself and the males around me above reproach. Here they are (not in any particular order):

1) I do not have any male friends. That’s not to say I ignore all male acquaintances. But I do not pursue friendship with any of them. (Before I was married, obviously, I’d pursue friendship with the single guys in my circle.) I have a male friend; that’d be my husband. And in respect of him and our commitment to each other, there is no need for me to have an emotional relationship (which is what a friendship is) with any other male I am not related to.

2) I do not correspond with men, in general, in any format, unless its business related. And then, I always tell my husband. For example, I had some questions about a sermon I heard, so I emailed my pastor the questions. Before I did so, I told my husband I was doing this. And then I read him the email exchange my pastor and I had. When I joined an online chat/connection group and found some old high school friends, my hubby was right there, reading my “chat exchanges” to get reacquainted with some old guy pals. And you know what? I haven’t “chatted” with them since. Not that I don’t like them, but there’s no need. Other than catching up on our families, there really is no topic we need to be discussing that our spouses can’t participate in. Also, I don’t call guys to chat. I will send birthday cards, or congratulations cards, but I somehow always let their wife know I’m doing it, and of course, I always tell my husband.

3) I do not place myself in a position where I’m alone with men. In a car, in an office, at a home. And if I have to be, I always call my husband and tell him the play by play. This gives accountability and lets everyone involved know that my husband is involved.

4) Now this one mattered more when I was not overweight, but I always dress in such a way that a guy would not remember what I was wearing. Not flashy, not provocative (for those of you who know me personally, stop laughing, I know this is a “duh!” one if you know me. I don’t own a stitch of anything that would be considered provocative or flashy.) but appropriate. That doesn’t mean I can’t be cute, but it does mean that if all a man can remember is what I was wearing and how I looked in it, I’m wearing the wrong thing.

Now. Before you click “unsubscribe to this feed”, let me just say a few things here. These are guidelines that I have set up for MYSELF. For what I am comfortable with in my life. My husband never asked me to do this and he probably is unaware of the lengths I go to to maintain a singularity with his friendship alone. Have I gone out to a meal with another man before? Yes. Did I tell my husband and make sure he was okay with it first? YES. Is that weird? Maybe. But it works for me. Also, I am not saying I hate men, don’t talk to them when we’re in a social setting or ignore the spouses of my friends. I am saying that I am careful to make sure that there is a space and distance especially with my friends’ hubbies that allows my friends (and my husband) to feel safe. You know what I mean, right?

Now, I want your feedback. This can be a hot topic and I want to know what you think. Am I being ridiculous? Old fashioned? Have you set up your own set of parameters in regards to the opposite sex? Let me know. I’m so curious to know what you think!