Believing God

God showed me up today. In a tangible, real and “big deal” way. With our job loss several months ago I have been fighting a battle of keeping faith that God will provide for our needs. Now, has He been providing for us? Yes. Have we been without anything we needed? No. Have I still been struggling? Yes. Why? Who knows. Obviously, this was a fight in my flesh, because were I living in my spirit (my real identity in Christ) there would have been no fight, only resting in the truth. God’s truth.

So the whole faith struggle has come to a head recently and a loved one emailed me a statement that about made me cringe: “People rarely see God’s miraculous provision since they are usually trying to make it work themselves.” In my flesh I said, “What’s wrong with trying to make it work myself?” It seems safe to try and make it work, familiar and less scary. Waiting on God’s miraculous provision seemed uncertain, unfamiliar and exhausting. Living in my flesh, no? Well, I actually said those feelings and more to two loved ones as I gushed my irritation, no job in sight and the the “apparent” lack of God showing up to do anything about it. Now just in case you are backing away from the computer before God strikes me with lightening for being so crass and mean, no worries. God and I have had some lengthy conversations about my attitude and behavior and my words and we’ve worked it out. Well, He worked me out, I should say.

This morning as I was trying to clear up some fraudulent charges on my credit card I was aware that it would take a miracle to get my money back. A miracle? Did I say, miracle? I could almost see God shaking His head, smiling saying, “Oh you silly girl. Sometimes you can act so thick-headed. Even your credit card is not too small a matter for my attention. Watch what I can do.” And even though its not their policy to reverse charges just from a phone call, the lady on the other end of the phone reversed them anyway. And cleared the account information so that there wouldn’t be a possibility of additional charges later. And I had my $24.95 back and God got His point across. $24.95 is not a lot; a tank of gas, a bag of groceries, a phone bill, a dinner out, but it was huge to me. If God is willing to devote an ounce of His time to that, surely, SURELY will He not show up and miraculously provide for the rest?

God may not always provide in the way I want, come to my aid in my timing, but He always provides. That’s the truth. He always provides. I read somewhere that we live after the “but”. You know, when we make a double (and most times, contradictory) statement, what we say after the “but” is where we are living. Look at the sentence at the beginning of this paragraph. Where am I living? In the truth that God always provides. Two days ago, that sentence would have been reversed.

Where are you living? Let’s live believing God. He’s so worth it.